BATTLESHIP (2012)
Based on the board game that we all played as kids in the 80s (those of us who were alive then) - who thought this was a good idea? Must be nice to have several million lying around just to intentionally make a stupid movie. If that wasn't enough, they had to throw Aliens in as well in ships so big it's inconceivable that ANY human made military vehicle would somehow hope to fight back against them. Yet somehow over the course of the movie, all of the gigantic alien craft are disposed of with missiles and artillery, including bringing the USS Missouri out of mothballs to defeat the final big boss. Hahaha!
I have to admit at least the ship-to-alien battles were nice to look at. Granted they were totally implausible but it was cool watching the ships go into battle.
I still can't believe in a movie based on a board game and featuring Rihanna as a main character that Liam Neeson is even IN THIS?!?! Just wow.
2 out of 5 Khans. The cool alien vs battleship scenes are fun to watch at least.
Next up...
LOOPER (2012)
Heard good to GREAT things about this one. Time travel/sci-fi/thriller action movie where JGL plays a hit man who kills marks sent back in time from the future by the mob..until one of his marks turns out to be himself from 30 years in the future. Of course, the older version in played by Bruce Willis and he escapes, prompting JGL to chase him and possibly change the future. Willis comes back to find The Rainmaker, someone who is taking over everything in the future and closing all "loops", thus endangering everyone.
Jeff Daniels plays the "bad guy" who oversees all of the Loopers - are we supposed to be afraid of this guy?
In the current timeline, The Rainmaker is still a child and Willis goes hunting for him to stop him from taking over in the future...turns out he is a kid with special TK powers a la the X-Men. Are we in a Marvel movie now? Ugh.
They did a good job of making JGL looks like a younger Bruce Willis with makeup (and cgi?) The movie isn't a bad one per se, but it lacks focus throughout that knocks it down on the enjoyment scale. Is it an action movie? Revenge flick? Super hero movie? I'm not really sure.
3 out of 5 Khans.
FINALLY...
THE LAST STAND (2013)
Finally Arnold is back to making action movies but I think it may almost be too little, too late. Arnold is the sheriff of a border town with the US and Mexico and of course an escaped cartel kingpin is coming his way trying to make it to Mexico. Arnold and his deputies, including Johnny Knoxville (!!?) set up a barricade and prep to stop him. The first 30 minutes consists of Forest Whitaker and his FBI team trying to find and capture the kingpin, who is racing to Mexico in a super rigged, super fast Corvette showcar - he outruns police, helicopters and several roadblocks along the way. Here's a Hint: SHOOT THE EFFIN TIRES OUT!!!! But I digress...
I have to be honest, if it wasn't for Arnold I would have never finished this movie. He barely saves this otherwise generic crap. I get that he is older now and its ok for him to play those types of characters, but Arnold should never look out-of-place when shooting big guns. I miss the classic Arnold, but he does get in a few good one-liners...
"I'm da Sheriff."
Another thing that I couldn't stop laughing about was the main bad guy kingpin - he looks like Pau Gasol from the LA Lakers. HAHA!!! I kept expecting him to dunk on Schwarzenegger by the film's end.
Barely 2.5 out of 5 Khans. Saved only by my love for Arnold returning.
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